I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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