I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
