She is in my trunk
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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