my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
