So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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