I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
