how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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