I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
