Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
