That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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