have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
