I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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