The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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