I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
