The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
