my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had to cum in my sink.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
