I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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