Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
