I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize