So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
