i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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