I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my being single is dangerous.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize