When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize