Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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