the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
