mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
