booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
