I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
