I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
