she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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