I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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