So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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