Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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