Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
