ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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