the condom got lost in my hair
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The struggles of a small town man whore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
