I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Come on in and take your pants off
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