Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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