Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
