I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
