I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
