he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
