Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
