You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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