GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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