Sry I called you an 8
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
