she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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