I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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