I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize