Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is there bacon in the couch?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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