Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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