the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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