I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
