All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
