I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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