omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
