At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
