i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
