That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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