I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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