I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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