I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Two words: nipple clamps
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