White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
