My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
