My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
