you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
