I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
