even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
